Sadness, Madness, and Hope

I am sad, and I am mad.  But I have not lost hope.

I am mad at the insanity that is happening in our world, and I am sad because of the trail of broken hearts that is resulting from the madness.  I’ll tell you later about my hope.

Not too long ago, I heard some news that I hear far too often.  Another teenager committed suicide. 

This is not just another statistic either.  It is a real person.  As real as the person you sit next to at school every day.  As real as the kid that you pass by in the halls and in the malls.  As real as that kid who goes to your youth group, or the kid you might ignore, gossip about, or make fun of.  As real as your sister or brother, and if you are a parent like me, as real as your son or daughter. 

You probably know kids like her.  I certainly do.  She was a good kid.  I am sure her parents loved her intensely.  And yet, as an 8^th grader, she experienced what so many middle school and high school students experience; she struggled with depression.  There were probably times when she felt lonely and confused.  There were definitely times she was made fun of, gossiped about, and excluded.  Some of her peers even wrote negative things about her on the Internet. 

This young woman’s youth minister, who is a friend of mine, once told me a story about a branch in snowstorm.  Countless snowflakes landed on this branch, and seemingly nothing was happening.  Eventually, though, one final snowflake landed on the branch, and it broke.  Although the weight of that final snowflake may seem inconsequential, its effect is powerful, especially when added to the weight of all that preceded it.  The branch is broken, and it will never be the same. 

No one will ever know the extent of everything that weighed on the heart of the young woman who took her own life, and what the final snowflake was that broke her spirit and caused her to lose hope.  However, I am sure that everyone who knew her has done some soul searching.  How did they treat her?  Could they have been nicer?  What is the last thing they said to her?

When a teenager takes his or her own life, there is plenty of guilt and sadness to go around.  The guilt needs to be evaluated.  Some of the guilt is probably false guilt – this young woman is ultimately the only one who made this tragic choice, and no one made it for her.  And yet, some guilt may be real, especially for those who hurt or ignored her.  This guilt, however, must not be wallowed in, since that doesn’t ever help anyone.  The guilt MUST be turned to good, and the sadness should never lead to despair.  Instead, we should invite God to transform the sadness and break our hearts for the young people just like her who remain - in each of our worlds.

Providentially, Pope Benedict XVI commented on this right around the time of this young woman’s suicide.  While reflecting on the suicide of Judas, our Pope said this –

The only way to avoid the pitfalls that surround us is to give ourselves entirely to Jesus, to enter into full communion with him, so that we think and act as he did, in total obedience to the Father. God can turn everything to a good purpose. Even Judas' betrayal became, through divine providence, the occasion for Jesus' supreme act of love, for the salvation of the world. 

What the Pope is saying is powerful.  “God can turn everything to a good purpose.”

I pray that you and I will allow God to touch our hearts through this tragedy, and turn it to a good purpose.

Students, I want to encourage you to authentically love your peers, especially those who struggle to fit in.  Do all that you can to stop the cycle of hurt, pain, gossip and exclusion!  A young person I spoke to recently finds it extremely helpful to remember that the way we treat others is how we are treating Jesus.  I really encourage you to think about that.

Adults, let’s keep a close eye and a watchful heart on the young people in our care.  Let’s pray for them every day, and let’s pray with them whenever possible.  Let’s do all that we can to make the most of every opportunity to lead them - as our Pope says - to give themselves entirely to Jesus.

If we strive to do these things, I know that this young woman’s death will not be in vain - and that is the hope our hearts cry out for - in the midst of this sadness and madness.

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(not too long ago, I answered a question from a teen on the topic of Suicide and Heaven – and since it relates so closely to this blog, I encourage you to check it out)