Are you sorry?

I’m definitely sorry for all of the suffering I’ve caused, especially for the victims. I just wish there was a way to make things right. I wish I could let people know how genuinely I’ve had to deal with it for the eight years I’ve been in prison and had to look in the mirror every day. I wish there was anything to say or do to make things right.

Tell me a little about how you feel about who you were? How are you different now?

With a lot of the troubles I was going through with having hostile encounters with my step father, running away from home, being a drug addict, not caring about anything but getting high, and with not understanding about compassion for others or how much pain and suffering my actions could cause people, there is a considerable difference in just understanding the consequences of my actions and the suffering that people go through. I never really knew or understood God’s Love and that little things like giving or sharing are so amazingly important. I never knew how love and life could burst into your heart and bring heavenly change with God’s graces.

What did you think when you heard the judge sentence you to death?

There aren’t any words for it. I’ll never be able to forget the sound of my Mom and my family crying out. I can only say it seemed unreal. It was the beginning of a lot of pain. The only thing I can really do is try to pray and be able to handle the stress of it. (I am) trying to deal with the panic and just breathe and focus on God.

Tell me about your relationship with God.

I believe that life is really a matter of moments sharing love with God. Every moment is one that should be cherished in union with God and His teachings. My favorite bible verse is “No greater Love has man than this, to lay down his life for a friend.” I wish people could understand Christ’s unconditional Love. I want to be able to continue sharing Christ with the people around me. If I didn’t have God in my life, I don’t think I would be able to bear the suffering my family and friends are going through.

What do you have to say to all the people that will read this article?

I want to encourage everyone out there who is bringing God’s love and encouragement to teens. I’ve learned that there is a great need for this. There is nothing that could be better for troubled teens than showing them God’s Love and compassion. If compassion would carry over to many other areas of our society and government, we would see more people finding ways to help solve problems and heal. Teens need to be able to see positive and realistic alternatives. They need Christ and His teachings to be at the center of their lives.

This article appeared in the Spring 2002 issue of the OYM Update.