he cried

My life is “out there” and I think that anyone who has heard me speak knows that. I know, of course, that there are many different meanings to that phrase I just put in quotation marks. Feel free to have fun exploring those. However, there is one way in particular that my life is “out there” that caused my oldest child to cry. And, I want to tell you about it. Not because I am proud of it, but because it taught me something that I wish I had learned sooner in my life. As someone who does retreat work, one of the ways that my life is “out there” is that I find it essential, in ministry, to be transparent. After all, how can I expect others to take off their masks if I am unwilling to remove mine? My oldest son is in 6th grade, and next year he will attend a Confirmation retreat at our parish, hosted by the REAP Team. On that retreat, I will give the keynote talk and will share my story of how I was lost and how God found me. I will tell him, and his classmates, of my experience with doing drugs when I was a teenager, in the hopes that they can avoid the mistakes that I made growing up. A couple of months ago, my wife and I decided that it was time that my son heard this part of my testimony directly from me – in part, because the 7th graders at our parish had a retreat coming soon – and I wanted him to be able to hear it from me (and ask me any questions) before he heard rumors about my past from anyone else. And, when I told my son that I had done drugs as a teenager, he cried. My heart broke. He couldn’t even explain to me why he was crying, either. He could not find the words, since his feelings were too strong. A couple of days later, while walking around the block, I asked him, and the following dialogue ensued… >Me: “Jacob, can you tell me why you cried the other day?” >Jacob: “I think so. Dad, is doing drugs against the law?” >Me: “Yes, it is.” >Jacob: “So, you could have been arrested?” >Me: “Yeah, I guess so.” >Jacob: “I was just thinking that if you had been arrested, you might never have been my dad.” Ouch. My heart broke again. So, here is the lesson, for those of you who are reading – think about your future! Growing up, especially in those troublesome teen years, I never thought about my future. All I really cared about was the moment, and whatever popularity, diversion, or pleasure I could attain. I NEVER thought about how my decisions back then might effect my future, much less my future children. And how they might cry when they discovered the truth about my past. So, I repeat the lesson one more time – **think about your future!** Because, the choices you make are not just all about you – how will they make your future children feel, if you ever become transparent?